for the past 4.5 months i have daydreamed about having a son. raising a small boy. mud puddles and worms.
and i guess the universe thought that was pretty hilarious
because we found out yesterday we are having a GIRL!
everyone had told me, and i believed quite strongly, that since i had zero morning sickness and, in general, pregnancy symptoms were rare - that i was in for a boy.
don't get me wrong, i am in no way upset or sad. i am just in disbelief. i had everything planned out in my mind of how it was going to be.
and that, right there, was my wake up call - nothing, from here on out, will be the way i planned :)
bill and i kept uttering to ourselves all night last night that we are indeed, about to embark on raising a child. i don't know why knowing the sex has now made it all the more real, but it has. seeing our baby up on the ultrasound, fully formed, is amazing. and seeing her face and her long legs and feet kicking at us, her brain and the chambers of her heart pumping away- is probably the greatest thing i've ever witnessed.
there's still 21 more weeks to go, and she can stay in there as long as she likes (i say that now before i've felt any good strong kicks or have gotten a much larger bump), but i cannot wait to meet our daughter.
i don't talk about it much, but i grew up with a single mom - my dad was around, but not much, and not because he didn't want to be - he was mentally ill - and i believe i'm fairly well adjusted for having that male influence missing in my life. but it brings big, hot tears to my face thinking of my future daughter growing up with what will be the greatest dad. i had to fight back the tears as bill and i dreamed of her first daddy-daughter dance and bill walking her down the aisle one day. she will inevitably have bill wrapped around her finger, and i can already tell how in love and excited bill is to be there and raise a confident daughter. as much as i cannot wait to hold and love on her - i am even more excited to watch bill become daddy and to hold her for that first time.
i feel so incredibly blessed.
july will be here before we know it
and so will Lucy Frances !!!